Saturday, June 17, 2006

The Manliest Man On Television

Should you care about my choice for the Manliest Man on Television? The answer to that question is no. Quite frankly, you shouldn't even be reading this blog. It's useless and you could be doing something important--like playing Halo.

But since you have decided to go with the short, sarcastic cynic of a non-practicing Jew, I'm gonna give it to ya good...

The award for the Manliest Man on Television and in Television History goes to...

Law & Order pimp -- Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy

That's right. For 12 years Sam Waterston has played this prosecutorial studhorse--and for 12 years he has gone without proper recognition for his ass-kicking habits. This man is all testosterone. His thirst for justice is what keeps him going and McCoy has only shown a human emotion other than anger 3 times in over a decade.

Do not doubt my sincerity on this matter. I am aware of my tendency to be a sarcasm whore. But when it comes to ADA Jack McCoy... That's some serious shit.

McCoy has screwed the Mafia, the Russian mob, serial rapists and murderers, homophobic sociopaths, anti-abortion extremists, children who shoot up their schools, young women who have their families murdered to please their boyfriends, closeted politicians, bastard drunk drivers, PETA activists and then some!

If it were up to this McCoy Mama, ADA McCoy would be the ONLY ADA on television and in the movies. All of the Law & Order spinoffs and any John Grisham book-to-film. All cop-dramas and law shows, regardless of the television channel on which they air.

Jack McCoy has given the finger to hardcore threats of death and violence against his person. If you aimed a rifle at his jock during his closing statement and threatened to shoot, Jack McCoy would tell you to shut the hell up and let him finish so he can put you away for 25 to life. And if you pulled that trigger and shot him in the groin, Jack McCoy would stop the presiding judge from calling an immediate recess and he'd finish his argument from the courtroom floor without shedding a tear.

You could blow off that man's balls and he'd still have bigger ones than every single superhero and leading man you ever rooted for.

Jack McCoy put someone's GRANDMA away -- more than once (different grandmas).

Jack McCoy should make you weak in the knees, regardless of your sexuality.

Jack McCoy is an American hero.

Jack McCoy is the answer.

Chuck Norris? I don't think so.

Manliest Man on Television--Executive ADA Jack McCoy...

The silver-haired hero who didn't cry when his girlfriend was killed by a drunk driver.

He just took it out on a different drunk driver in another case.

That's Manly.

That's Jack McCoy.