Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Jack Bauer Guide To Emotional Compartmentalization

The Jack Bauer Guide To Emotional Compartmentalization.

No, it isn't a book. YET.

But after watching the entire sixth season of "24" last week, I've decided that somebody needs to get on this idea - and fast.

Jack Bauer has had at least six seriously intense days - that we know of - and somehow he still manages to put his socks on in the morning. I have only viewed seasons 1, 2, and 6 - but that's all I need to know that compared to Jack Bauer (fictional character, yes) the rest of us are pussies.

Admit it. The United States is depressed. We're in a recession (yeah, I said it!), there's a war going on, and that guy who talks like he's having word seizures is still in the White House. Drug companies are taking advantage of this country plagued with depression by trying to sell us happy pills to alleviate the pain. What we need is a self-help book in the vein of one very special "Special Agent."

How does Jack Bauer keep going each season (assuming there's no writers strike) when the worst crap happens to him? At the beginning of season six, the US government pulls Bauer out of a Chinese prison so that he can be murdered by the crazy terrorist Fayed (a terrorist named Fayed - how creative!) so that the American people will be safe from nuclear terrorism. And you know what? When Jack escapes that situation - instead of crying because the country he served for so many years tried to have him killed - he jumped on board to help. Sure he has a daughter out there and a girlfriend somewhere. Sure he's been through traumatizing amounts of physical abuse, torture, and emotional distress. But Bauer wouldn't be caught dead bitching and moaning about it.

His secret? Somebody knows how to emotionally compartmentalize. I think we'd all be able to accomplish a lot more if we had Bauer's ability to just TURN IT OFF whenever we want.

Here is a list of a few situations where emotional compartmentalization could potentially help you:

-When you find out that your father and brother armed terrorists with the nuke that just murdered 12,000 of your fellow citizens.

-When you have to physically/pharmaceutically torture a sibling to get information out of them (happens more often than you'd think!).

-When you find out your dad killed your brother and is trying to kidnap your nephew (who looks a LOT like your daughter Kim).

-When you have to stop your nephew from shooting your dad before leaving your dad to die on the platform of an oil refinery about to be blown to pieces.

-When you have to steal a helicopter. (Hey, it happens.)

-When you're the only person in the world who knows the truth and nobody will listen even though this has happened on five previous occasions!

1 comment:

Elena said...

after reading that last one i wonder how mulder gets through each day w/out the art of compartmentalization.
but oh wait that's right he doesnt without being a basket case.