Saturday, January 17, 2009

Pound Puppies are for Prudes

There is much to abhor about the "Tini Puppini" dolls. More specifically - they're ugly bitches, dressed like whores, and cost a whopping thirty bucks a pop. Not to mention, they're recommended for children between the ages of 5 and 7.

WOOF.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Dear Ndugu: Sorry to hear about losing your arms. Maybe this image of my new engagement ring will cheer you up!



Every month, one or two of my female Facebook friends become engaged. And because a visible change of relationship status on the lucky lady's profile isn't exciting enough - said woman takes it upon herself to post digital shots of her left hand, now complete with a sparkling (and financially crippling) blood diamond. Sure some kid in Africa probably lost a limb or two for that rock, but hey, you're American - and ENGAGED!

I wouldn't necessarily care if NewsFeed didn't force the photos upon me when I sign in, even if I adjust the settings (and oh, how I've tried). It's fascinating how a private moment between two adults can turn into a public spectacle of "Look! Congratulate Me!" so quickly.

Ten years from now, if I think my life is going to be short enough to promise the rest of it to someone else, MAYBE I'll get engaged. By that time, my husband-to-be and I should be able to broadcast the ceremony live via Facebook so that we can force our "sorta friends" and "distant acquaintances" to share in our utterly nauseating joy.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Total Gym...Total Hilarity

Chuck Norris PROMISES it works. Christie Brinkley almost orgasms on it. And Wesley Snipes helps them name all the parts of the body that can benefit from this fantastically versatile piece of equipment. If you don't secretly love this mini infommercial, you're kind of a dick.