Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Get me out of here.

I love my relatives and I am truly grateful for their hospitality in my time of homelessness but I have to get out of the Santa Clarita Valley. Maybe this is good preparation for the eternity I am told I will spend in Hell but I lived in Florida for the first 25 years of my life and I feel like I have more than paid my dues.

Going to check out a room in a house in the San Fernando Valley this evening. If all goes well I am hoping to move as soon as possible. Until then I'll just have to continue surviving on cold showers, popsicles, and the occasional trip to my car to blast the air conditioning.

Monday, August 06, 2012

Make it stop. My eyes are bleeding.

Last night I was flipping through the channels at my temporary residence in Santa Clarita when I zoned out. A few minutes later I noticed that the snickerdoodle cookie I was eating started to taste like tinfoil. That is when I realized I was watching Big Ang.

Never having been exposed to this creature before I took to Google to find out what the hell turned my cousin's delicious confection to shit in mouth. My search led me to a Starcasm article from January, which not only featured a terrifying shot of Big Ang but an advertisement for the latest Teen Mom exploitation.

Trying to decide what was more offensive--Big Ang's facebomb or the subtle title of Teen Mom's musical endeavor--proved trying, so I will leave it up to you. I tend to lean toward Big Ang but that really isn't fair to Farrah Abraham as I still haven't listened to her song.