Sunday, July 06, 2008

Things To Do In Your Car While Stuck In LA Traffic

1) Kill yourself:
Yes, it was a mistake to drive to Manhattan Beach at 2 in the afternoon on a weekday. Think the drive TO the beach was bad? Think again. That sand in the ass of your bathing suit is going to make the five hour drive home (approximately 20 miles) more unpleasant than you ever could have imagined. Does it feel like your life is over? That's the sand talking (and chafing).

2) Read Graffiti:
Gang members and disenfranchised youths are constantly providing Los Angeles drivers with a broad selection of spray painted words and images for your viewing pleasure. Not sure what "SKRIMP PIE" means? Jot down some of the words and phrases you can't interpret yourself and Google them (or go to when you get home. Enjoy the work of your local juvenile delinquents while familiarizing yourself with gang culture.

3) Find the Amber Alert vehicle:
Bored in your car? Scan the area around you and see if you can find today's Amber Alert vehicle! Not inspired by the idea of helping to save an innocent child? If the crime is crazy enough - a true hero could end up immortalized as a character in an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Detectives Benson and Stabler would want you to find that purple and gold RV.

4) Freeway Celebrity Search:
Who's rocking out in that white Mercedes three lanes over? It could be Britney! That's right! Even celebrities get stuck in traffic and one of them could be in your general vicinity. Scan the most expensive automobiles for familiar faces. Back in May I spotted "Crossing Jordan's" Miguel Ferrer driving his very sexy black Porsche on the 101. Get creative and turn this into a game. Develop your own point system and compete with your friends!

5) Kill Yourself:
Probably still your best option considering you're stuck in LA traffic.