Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My Roommate Jack

After almost three months of searching for proper housing in Los Angeles, I finally settled in Sherman Oaks. The apartment comes equipped with central heating and air, a washer/dryer in the unit (VERY important), and a 28 year old slob we're going to call "Jack" (short for "Jackass").

Jack is an actor/waiter. Translation: Jack is a waiter. I have never seen him participate in anything creative, rehearse for a role, or get off his ass to attend an audition. When he's not working at Chili's, he's on the couch watching television and playing video games. The other day he asked me why I never come out of my room. I told him I'm constantly writing. The truth? I'm not constantly writing. I'm constantly looking for jobs on Craigslist and watching Law & Order reruns (Original, SVU, and Criminal Intent. I'm hardcore.). And yes, I could do all of this outside of my bedroom. Except I never come out of said room because JACK is always on the fucking couch sitting in a pile of trash with all of his dirty dishes and food containers from the last three weeks collecting mold on the coffee table before him (while looking for "auditions" on Craigslist, of course). And I'd rather be in my room.

I found Jack on Craigslist (Do they have an "AA" type organization for Craigslisters? Because I think I have a legitimate problem.). Jack was seeking a roommate to fill the second bedroom in his apartment. He seemed normal enough when I met him the first time. His movie collection was vast but unimpressive. When I asked what the deal was with his bad romantic dramedy section - specifically the Mandy Moore and Shane West shitflick "A Walk To Remember" - Jack admitted to having a strong emotional reaction to the teen drama. I swallowed the vomit that had just collected in my mouth and continued to search the wall of DVDs.

Then I saw that he also owned the entire series of The West Wing, which I told him was one of my favorite shows of all time. We discussed the show for a little while and I decided that I could most certainly live with a dude who shares my appreciation for Aaron Sorkin programming. My reasoning? I figured that Jack and I probably share similar socio-political values, which makes for a more comfortable living environment.

Then I moved in and found out that Jack is actually a Southern Baptist Republican who voted for Bush twice and doesn't have any regrets. In fact, my West Wing loving roommate actually feels sorry for Bush and all the "hardships" that he has endured over the course of his presidency.

So, yeah. As someone who grew up in Tallahassee, Florida surrounded by evangelical conservatives for twelve years - to find out that I now get to share a living space with someone who rejects the Theory of Evolution... I'm less than thrilled. Check back for more Jack... That rhymed a little more than I intended.

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